Emily Amrousi
The Israel Police Facebook page is full of pictures of missing people. One of those pictures is of Nofar Ben-Hamo, a pretty 15-year-old, who was missing for eight weeks before she was found hiding in an apartment in the Arab town of Qalansawe with a Muslim head scarf on, refusing to speak with her parents. Seemingly, this could happen to anyone: two kids fall in love, the parents object, the daughter runs away. This story made Shakespeare’s career. But the fact is that it doesn’t happen to everyone. It only happens here, in the lower income city of Lod, in a crumbling slum, to a girl from a good, but poor, home who met a Arab boy who showered her with gifts and jewelry. The boy wanted her company, despite her parents’ objection, and ended up ripping her family apart. She left home and disappeared.
Before she was found, I joined her parents Shalom and Sigal Ben-Hamo in their living room and heard them recount how their daughter had slipped through their fingers. Sigal is an aid at a local kindergarten. Shalom is a truck driver. Together they raised six good children. The world had been shaken twice: two months ago when their daughter proclaimed that she was planning to convert to Islam and have her Arab boyfriend’s baby, and 16 months prior when they discovered the relationship between their 13-year-old daughter and a Muslim boy, five years her senior.
I heard no racist rhetoric in their tale – only a natural parental inclination to protect their child: “We are a normal, healthy family. We raised exemplary children. In our worst nightmares we never imagined that one day our daughter would say ‘I’m converting to Islam. You are no longer my parents.’”
Amal 1 High School in Lod, where Nofar was a student, is a mixed school. Nofar met her Arab boyfriend through mutual friends when she was in the eighth grade. He gave her expensive gifts: an iPhone, perfumes and clothes. Despite her parents’ objection she continued to see him – youthful rebellion combined with a powerful first love. The Romeo and Juliet of Lod had to sneak around. “That is the reality here in Lod,” Sigal told me. “It is not uncommon to see 13 or 14-year-old girls dating members of ethnic minorities aged 20 and up. You see them sitting together on street benches and out on the town. Dating a member of an ethnic minority no longer carries a stigma. They come along with money, a car, buying her things that her parents can’t give her, spoiling her. There are a million stories like this around here.”
Sigal’s use of the expression “member of an ethnic minority” to signify an Arab is the key to the media silence on this story. A 15-year-old was missing for two months and the media, almost uniformly, ignored it. If Nofar was a Jewish girl who disappeared under different circumstances, perhaps being held against her will in the Palestinian territories, would we have kept silent then too? There are enough statistics on exploitation, seduction and coercion of young girls, but when it comes to “members of ethnic minorities” – shhh! Don’t awaken the beast, or you might be considered a racist. The words “danger of assimilation” are also kept out of our clean and enlightened lexicon.
The Knesset Committee for Immigration, Absorption and Diaspora Affairs recently described a widespread phenomenon of young girls being seduced by “members of ethnic minorities.” They reported a thousand cases each year. Most of the young girls involved in these cases are generally either immigrants or poor Israelis. But the fear of being seen as racist is preventing us, the reporters, from writing about 15-year-old Nofar. We must not allow the political correctness police to prevent us from telling Nofar’s story.
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