Sultan Knish
There are few weapons as deadly as the Israeli house. When its bricks
and mortar are combined together, the house, whether it is one of those
modest one story hilltop affairs or a five floor apartment building
complete with hot and cold running water, becomes far more dangerous
than anything green and glowing that comes out of the Iranian
centrifuges.
Forget the cluster bomb and the mine, the poison gas shell and even
tailored viruses. Iran can keep its nuclear bombs. They don't impress
anyone in Europe or in Washington DC. Genocide is equally not worthy of
attention when in the presence of the fearsome weapon of terror that is
an Israeli family of four moving into a new apartment downwind from
Jerusalem.
Sudan may have built a small mountain of African corpses, but it can't
expect to command the full and undivided attention of the world until it
does something truly outrageous like building a house and filling it
with Jews. Since the Sudanese Jews are as gone as the Jews of Egypt,
Iraq, Syria and good old Afghanistan, the chances of Bashir the Butcher
pulling off that trick are rather slim.
Due to the Muslim world's shortsightedness in driving out its Jews from
Cairo, Aleppo and Baghdad to Jerusalem, the ultimate weapon in
international affairs is entirely controlled by the Jewish State. The
Jewish State's stockpile of Jews should worry the international
community far more than its hypothetical stockpiles of nuclear weapons.
No one besides Israel, and possibly Saudi Arabia, cares much about the
Iranian bomb. But when Israel builds a house, then the international
community tears its clothes, wails, threatens to recall its ambassadors
and boycott Israeli peaches.
You can spit on the White House carpets and steal all the gold in
Greece. You can blow up anything you like and threaten anyone you will,
but you had better not lift a drill near Gilgal, where Joshua and a few
million escaped Hebrew slaves pitched their camp.
Some may think that genocide or nuclear weapons are the ultimate
weapons, but as we see, time and time again, the ultimate weapon is a
hammer and a fistful of nails in a Jewish hand. How can even the most
talented Iranian nuclear scientist hope to compete with the humble tools
of a Jewish carpenter?
Obama has yet to respond to the Muslim Brotherhood coup in Egypt. The
gangs of paid rapists assaulting women in Tahrir Square on behalf of the
Sharia state are nothing for the White House to worry about. Tunisian
protesters against Islamist rule are losing their eyes, but Tunisian
eyes come and go, Jewish houses are forever.
Everyone has their standards and he and the international community have
theirs. There are things that we all cannot abide. And for all the Miss
America answers about ending war, hunger and people who wear plaid in
public, the one thing that everyone will stand up against or sit down in
opposition to is the Israeli house.
White House officials are already insisting that Netanyahu "humiliated"
Obama by authorizing the building of houses. This is the worst Israeli
crime since two years ago when the city of Jerusalem passed some houses through one stage of a multi-stage approval process while Biden was visiting the country.
Hillary called it an insult and spent two hours yelling at Netanyahu
over the phone. Axelrod declared it an affront. Biden was so furious
that he refused to come down for dinner until an hour later. For weeks
the media howled that Netanyahu had humiliated Obama through the
dastardly act of allowing one of the country's mayors to approve housing
while the sacred presence of Joseph Robinette Biden Jr was intersecting
with Israeli airspace.
While Russia may threaten war against the United States, China may mock
the United States at a ceremonial banquet in the White House, Iran and
North Korea may play Obama for a fool, but only Israel has managed to
achieve official recognition for "insulting and humiliating" Obama,
without even trying, proving once again that the Jewish race is so
talented that it often achieves things that other people may only dream
of, without even realizing that they are doing it.
Now that Netanyahu has gone to the mattresses, literally, by authorizing
new housing, the media has begun braying that Israel has humiliated
Obama all over again. They say that every time a bell rings, an angel
gets his wings. But every time an Israeli jackhammer roars, Obama
stands, like that famous trash-mourning fake Indian, off Highway 1
between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, with a tear slowly making its way down
one glistening cheek at the sight of another humiliating Israeli house.
According to the New York Times, which is never wrong, building more
houses makes peace impossible. Peace, which is not in any way obstructed
by rockets, suicide bombers, unilateral statehood bids and declarations
of war, comes up against only one obstacle. The stout unyielding wall
of the Israeli house. You can shell Israeli houses, bomb them and break
inside to massacre the people living inside, but then after all that,
Israel goes and builds more of those damn things.
Hamas shoots thousands of rockets and Israel builds thousands of houses.
But Israeli houses generally stay where they're built, while Hamas
rockets are as likely to kill Gazans as they are to put holes in the
roofs of those dastardly houses. And in the arms race between houses and
rockets, the Israelis appear to be winning. And that's not good for
peace. If Israelis get the dangerous idea that they can just keep
building houses and outlast all the talented rocketeers who spend their
time with the Koran in front of one eye and the Anarchist's Cookbook in
front of the other, then what hope is there for peace?
That is why no one cares much about Hamas rockets, which only kill
Israelis, who most reasonable people in London, Paris and Brussels think
have it coming anyway, but get into a foaming lather about an Israeli
house. Killing Israelis has never been any obstacle to peace. Twenty
years of killing Israelis has not dissuaded a single Israeli government
from sitting down at the table to dicker with the terrorists. But an
Israeli family living in a house is holding down territory that it will
be harder to then cede to terrorists when the angels have blown their
horns, the seas have all gone dry and peace is carried in on a golden
platter by 72 virgins accompanied by their flying suicide bomber mates.
The problem is an old one. Pharaoh struggled with it. So did Hitler. And
so does Hamas. What do you do when there are too many Jews living. The
answer is usually obvious.
Israel's Peace Partners tried to go back to the time-honored Egyptian
tradition of throwing all the Jews into the sea. But despite an entire
officer corps temporarily "on leave" from the armed forces of the United
Kingdom, they only got as far as half of Jerusalem, where they blew up
every synagogue, and took the West Bank of Israel, or as the
non-indigenous Zionist invaders with no roots in the region call it,
Judea and Samaria.
Nineteen years later, Israel's Peace Partners had traded in their
British officer corps for a Soviet officer corps, and lost Jerusalem,
the West Bank and Gaza, proving that when it came to killing Jews, the
Communists were better at it when the Jews weren't shooting back. Ever
since then the world, or those portions of it populated entirely by
diplomats and the better class of journalists, has been urging Israel to
give back the land to an imaginary country to be populated entirely by
terrorists.
This peace plan, which has worked as well as fighting fire with
gasoline, has not in any way been endangered by two decades of terror,
but trembles down to its toes every time an Israeli hammer falls on an
Israeli nail in the vicinity of Jerusalem. Because that land must go
back so that rockets can be shot from it into Israel, so that Israel can
invade it and reclaim it, and then sit down for another peace process
to return the land from which the rockets will be fired, which will be
invaded, which will be given back... for peace.
And Israeli houses endanger this cycle of peace and violence. They
endanger it by creating "facts on the ground", a piquant phrase that
only seems to apply to houses with Jews. Muslim houses in no way create
facts on the ground, even though they are built out of the same material
and filled with people. Or perhaps they create the good kind of facts
on the ground. The kind of preemption of negotiations that the
professional peacemakers approve of.
But it's hard to know what exactly the peacemakers approve of, because
their arguments and their definitions keep changing all the time. All
that we know is that they disapprove of Israeli houses.
The United States repeatedly assured Israel that Jerusalem would in no
way be endangered by the peace process. No less a personality than
Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. co-sponsored three Senate resolutions urging
that Jerusalem should remain Israel's undivided capital. Then like all
good politicians, he was horribly offended when the Israelis actually
took him at his word.
Obama gave an election speech four years ago where he declared that
Jerusalem should be undivided. A day later he explained that he meant
"undivided" in some spiritual sense that did not preclude it from
actually being divided.
UN Chief Ban Ki-moon has declared Israeli houses to be an "almost fatal
blow" to the peace process. It is, of course, only an "almost fatal
blow" because the peace process, like Dracula, cannot be killed.
Israeli houses, fearsome as they may be with their balconies and poor
heating in winter, are never quite enough to kill it.
Like the monster of a horror movie, the peace process always comes back
and no matter how many blows the Israeli house delivers to it, a year
later there's a sequel where the Israeli house is being stalked by the
peace process monster all over again.
The army of lethal Israeli houses, which may not be built for another
five years, if ever, seem formidable in the black newsprint of the New
York Times, in the fulminations of Guardian columnists and the shrill
talkingpointation of CNN talking heads, but its actual potency is
limited to housing Jewish families and infuriating international
diplomats and their media coathangers.
Europe is furious, Obama is seething, the UN is energized, and somewhere
in Tehran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wipes the grease out of his mustache and
wonders what he could do to get this much attention. He briefly
scribbles down some thoughts on a napkin but then dismisses it as being
too implausible. As much as it might get the world's attention, there is
just no way Iran can put up apartment buildings in Jerusalem.
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