The World Health Organization estimates that 1 in 3 Somalis are mentally ill due to their country's constant violence and abuse of the Khat narcotic. Somali science however came up with a surefire cure for the crazies. Lock the patient up in a room with a hyena and wait for the ugly beast to see the demons causing the madness and drive them out.
 Somali medicine, like American medicine, suffers from rising health care costs. A session with a trained psychiatric hyena costs 560 dollars in a country where the average national salary is 190 bucks putting a Mogadishu trained hyena on par with a Harvard trained psychiatrist.The Hyena Cure is simple. Lock up a mental patient for three days with a hyena. Hyenas are clever animals. Like their canid relatives, they can be surprisingly perceptive. Somalia, which has a shortage of psychiatrists, but has plenty of hyenas, expects the hyena to see the evil spirits inside the patient and eat them up. It's not that farfetched. Hyenas are known for eating anything. Why not demons? Freud came up with the Talking Cure. Somalis came up with the Hyena Cure. The obvious superiority of the Hyena Cure is that hyenas, unlike psychiatrists, don't get depressed. The laughing beasts are always cheerful and while they are hardly rare enough to justify that high a price, when American hospitals bill aspirin at a few thousand dollars, neither medical establishment makes much sense. Somalis who can't afford to blow a three month salary to spend a little time on the couch with a hyena have a more practical solution. They tie the affected person to a tree and leave. There are even more trees in Somalia than there are hyenas, but the hyenas usually find the patient sooner or later and snack on him pro bono, while his kin head off to the welfare office in Lewiston, Maine. Like the joke about the mental patient and the driver with the broken wheel, the Somalis may be nuts, but they aren't stupid. Somalia only has half the Somali population. Kenya has almost a million. The United Kingdom has over 100,000 and Canada may have as many as 150,000. The United States has quite a few and Minnesota alone has may have 80,000 to 125,000 of them. American politicians, who can give any Khat-chewing Somali pirate a run for his money in the insanity department, dumped thousands of Somalis into Lewiston, Maine where they now make up a seventh of the population. The average low in Lewiston in January is near zero. Meanwhile January in Mogadishu is a balmy 86 degrees with occasional flurries of machine gun fire. Despite its chilly weather, Lewiston did have some warm welfare on tap for local residents. And the Somalis disregarded the cold and flocked to the cold cash. The World Health Organization may consider them crazy, but unlike the politicians who welcomed them in, they aren't stupid. Back in Somalia, the hyenas that aren't in private practice carry on a battle of wits with the Islamic terrorists of Al-Shabaab responsible for the Westgate Massacre in Kenya. The hyenas hunt Somalis and have been known to taste the occasional Al-Shabaab fighter who falls asleep in a Khat induced trance in the sun. And Al-Shabaab hunts and kills hyenas and sells their meat to finance terrorism. Hyenas, like most dog-like animals, are considered unclean in Islam, but Al-Shabaab overcame its Islamist scruples to sell hyena flesh and even market its consumption as effective at fighting off evil spells. Who needs Prozac when you can eat a hyena and the mental illness demons will head for the hills? American food companies are known for promising all sorts of bogus health benefits for their exotic fruit juices, which mostly turn out to be pear juice, their superfoods, which are really ordinary foods, and their energy drinks, which are only caffeine with blue dye, but Al-Shabaab, which keeps killing people in order to impose Islamic law, on a country that already runs on Islamic law, has to use black magic to convince people to buy the meat of an animal that eats corpses. Considering that hyenas in Somalia often eat human flesh, Al-Shabaab is coming rather close to cannibalism in the name of imposing Islamic law. But American liberals are coming even closer to cannibalism in the name of imposing tolerance.  The Somali gangs that tore apart their homeland have been reborn in the frigid Midwest. Ten percent of the gang members in the Minneapolis Police Department’s system are Somalis. The Somali Outlaws, the Madhibaan with Attitude, the Somali Hot Boyz and the Somali Assault Unit go from welfare to crime. Like the gangs at home, Somali migrant gangs scale up from street crime, drug trafficking, robberies, sex trafficking and protection rackets to international terrorism. Lewiston, Maine, a place as traditionally synonymous with gangs as Mogadishu is with snow, now has concerns about gang violence. Maine has gone from having no gang members a few years ago to having 4,000 of them. Mainahs have gone from thinking of gang members as something they saw on episodes of COPS to something they see when they look out the window. Vacationland now hosts the True Somali Bloods and the True Sudanese Bloods who spill each other's blood to find out who has the truest blood of them all. In Lewiston, Somali flash mobs attack natives. In Bangor, a Somali gang is at the heart of local crime. The politicians who enabled this disaster don't like to talk about that. Instead they quote statistics about new Somali businesses. And if a lot of these businesses are places where Somalis trade food stamps for food, that isn't discussed much either. The real Somali growth industry is gangs. The gangs have been formalized with titles and foreign support, but they are still gangs. And even when the various factions of the Islamic Courts Union, one of which includes its Al-Shabaab youth wing, claim to be fighting over Islamic law, they're just hyenas feeding on other hyenas. Gangs are still the closest thing to a rule of law in Somalia. There was every reason to expect the Somali migrants in the United States to fall back into that pattern, clusters of young men building families around gangs and making their own law the way they did back home. Nietzsche said that when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you. When you stare at a hyena, the hyena stares back at you. When you stare into Somalia, Somalia stares back at you. The Somali migrants are not becoming Americanized. Maine and Minneapolis are becoming Somalized. Their warring gangs are a warning that even the coldest parts of America can become a barren Somali desert. The American hyena became extinct as the march of civilization drove it back. Where there is civilization, carrion eaters no longer eat well unless they learn to be small and quiet. In Somalia, hyenas thrive because there isn't civilization and so there is good eating for their kind. As the march of civilization falters and falls back, hyenas have begun to proliferate in the United States. Hyenas don't destroy civilization. They are a symptom of its collapse. They are a sign that the city is giving way to the desert, the town to the village and the village to a handful of burnt out shacks. Carrion eaters go where civilization falls, where men no longer work shoulder to shoulder and where nothing bigger than a gang can endure. They go where there are bodies and no one to bury them. Somalia is what happens when a country goes mad. And no matter how many tall buildings we have and how many iPhones we sell a year, it would be foolish to believe that cultural madness isn't contagious and that what happened in Somalia couldn't happen here.  If we could lock up the advocates of open borders in a room with a hyena for three days and hope the scavenger eats the evil spirits in their minds, it would be easily worth the 560 dollar charge. But the Hyena Cure doesn't work for Somalis. It won't work for Americans.Lock an American politician in a room with a hyena and the laughing beast will not see evil spirits in his eyes, only a weak creature waiting to be eaten. That is the same thing that his Somali cousins see when they sit across the table from another cheerful politician welcoming them to America. The Hyena Cure doesn’t work by eating evil spirits. Being locked in a room for three days with a predator that eats human flesh is the ultimate reality check. Either you put aside whatever illness has made it impossible for you to function in civilization. Or the hyena eats you. America, Canada, Europe and Australia all face the reality check of the Hyena Cure. Either the wave of violence that comes from being locked in cities and towns with migrating Muslim predators seeking asylum and refuge wakes them from their madness. Or the hyenas eat them. |
| No Business Like Gov Business
Posted: 16 Oct 2013 07:12 AM PDT
Imagine a big corporation. A really big corporation that monopolizes everything and compels you to buy its low quality overpriced services and imprisons you if you refuse to pay whether you use them or not.
 Now imagine a CEO who picks and chooses which laws to follow, who breaks the law, embezzles huge sums for his friends, lies repeatedly and is never.held accountable for it.We are all shareholders of the corporation of government whose board and CEO we vote for, but whose undemocratic governing mechanisms make those votes less meaningful and many of whose shareholders are part of bloc votes that profit from the unsustainable practices of the corporation and vote in bad boards that rob us blind so that they can pocket more money. The corporation's goal is to turn its shareholders into consumers; transforming free people into people who want free things so that the corporation of government can govern the people without being governed by them. Once, Americans were shareholders of government. Today Americans are consumers of government. They aren't calling the shots; they're standing in line hoping for a special on health care in Aisle 1500. The current incarnation of the American Republic (is it the Fourth or the Fifth incarnation? At least the Europeans have the good grace to tack on those numbers) is primarily a provider of domestic services with a sideline in international relations. This is a striking contrast from the older American Republic where the government provided domestic defense and not much else. It's simplest to think of a thing in terms of its function. With the majority of Federal spending going to Social Security and Medicare, our government is essentially an insurance company that takes a percentage of salaries and "invests" that money into a social safety net. Except the money isn't invested, it's squandered, and much of it goes to people who are not paying into the system. As insurance companies go, our government is unreliable and untrustworthy, its payouts are poor, its customer service is terrible and the people running it would be in a jail cell if they were running a corporation the way that they run the country. To understand what our government is, imagine a wasteful non-profit obsessed with Third World children, merged with some kind of domestic poverty charity, merged with an insurance company, attached to a bunch of umbrella trade and regulatory groups for entire industries with a huge military arm that exists to stabilize troubled regions for the business community. This Frankenstein America monster is what the current Republic looks like and the people running it insist that this unwieldy beast, its bulky body and its deviant brain, are a massive step forward into the future. Well Dr. Frankenstein thought the same thing and whether it's the Tea Party or OWS, there are no shortage of peasants with pitchforks out there.  But the monster performs its functions like Frankenstein trying to take a flower from a girl's hand. The flower gets crumpled and Frankenstein stomps off to smash things. It can't handle the insurance business, because it can't control the temptation to spend all those piles of cash coming in. It can't pay out the money again, because it is determined to spend giant chunks of it on social services to people who did not pay into it. And it can't deliver any services in an efficient manner because its departments exist to employ incompetents who are bound by the rules to be even more incompetent than their actual inclinations, so that the system will be forced to hire even more incompetents on an annual basis. As for national defense, forget about it. The military is lent out on a pro bono basis to humanitarian projects maintained by NATO, which like an international buggy whip manufacturer exists with no purpose and has instead decided to go into the business of intervening to prevent genocides against Muslims that aren't taking place while ignoring genocides by Muslims that are. The whole thing is rolled into the United Nations, which is like one of those dot com companies that were supposed to be the next big thing, but never became the next big thing, but kept raking in piles of money from investors while promising to one day revolutionize absolutely everything. Think of the United Nations as Myspace. It's expensive, outdated and uses the same shade of blue. It used to be big, then it became irrelevant, but it still won't go away. The United Nations is also one giant walking and flying conflict of interest with countries using it to settle political scores with each other. Our corporation's domestic programs, like its international ones, suffer from conflicts of interest. First, the corporation is far more beholden to its suppliers of services than its consumers of services. This is a significant problem because it means that the cost of providing those services is constantly becoming more expensive and the corporation keeps nodding its head at the inflated product and labor figures presented by its suppliers. Between the internal inefficiency and the unwillingness of the corporation to hold the line with its suppliers, the financials are impossible, and the corporation is currently running an annual trillion dollar deficit. It keeps raising its compulsory prices, but there is no reason to think that it can function within any conceivable budget because its boards, its executives and its suppliers just adjust their spending to match the available funds and then go twenty or thirty percent higher. More money doesn't mean better or even workable government. It means the corporations and unions who are on the inside will take more money home and next year there will be an bigger deficit, because like a dumb beast, the system will eat as much as you give it. It will not stop, because there is no profit motive for the individuals running things to stop. They can only make money by spending money and they don't have to make money to spend money because they control the cash flow.. On paper, the corporation exists to provide services to customers. In practice it exists to provide wealth to its boards, its suppliers and its employees. It is a non-profit, in the worst sense of the word, because its finances are unsustainable, it keeps going only by compulsively lying to everyone it owes money to, promising debtors that they will be repaid and customers that they will be served, while its insiders stuff their pockets full of stolen money. This state of affairs is not unprecedented among corporations. It's a familiar form of corruption being practiced on a truly epic scale.  Governments are set up to restrain the sort of natural abuses that flow out of human nature. The American variety of it was an experiment that tossed out a ridiculously corrupt system dependent on access and birth, and replaced it with one that depended as little on government as possible. It was still corrupt from the first, because it was still human, but it was much less corrupt than all the other alternative systems to it because everyone had limited veto power over it and unlimited immunity from it in many areas. Since then we have gone from a system that limited its own power to a system whose ideologues cry for unlimited power and spin us the wonders of universal college education and green energy that they will produce for us if only we let them do whatever the hell they want. But at least it's not one of those horrible big corporations. Then we might actually have a choice whether to do business with it or not. |
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Hyena Cure
Sultan Knish
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