Sultan Knish
In 2007, the new Democratic Majority Leader defied President Bush by sitting down to meet with a member of the Axis of Evil.
"We came in friendship, hope, and determined that the road to Damascus
is a road to peace," Pelosi told reporters after her talks with Assad.
Now the road to Damascus is the road to war. And Pelosi and Obama are racing down it along with everyone else.
Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour are nowhere to be found
striding insouciantly through the desert or hoofing it alongside a
camel. This road movie has an entirely different cast of characters.
It's a race against time. And a race for blood.
Forget the Grand Prix or the Daytona 500, the real race right now is the
race to Damascus. The racers include Syrian rebels in pickup trucks
with mounted machine guns and homemade tanks, toting weapons and
equipment supplied and paid for by Qatar and Turkey, and more covertly
by the British and French intelligence services. Racing along with them
are carloads of international diplomats urging their governments to give
the militias more money and more weapons.
Everyone is on the road to Damascus in this amazing race. Christian
refugees from Aleppo and Alawites packing in behind the tanks of the
Syrian army, Iraqi militias that used to plant IEDs in front of American
Humvees who have found new work blowing up churches and taking over
Syrian bases.
There are international activists from around the world, reporters or
citizen-journalists embedded with the rebels, Russian advisers embedded
with Syrian units, Qatari trainers turning children into child soldiers
with the rebels and Turkish officers trying to get the entire rabble
moving in the right direction toward Damascus.
There are photographers with liberal arts degrees and two-thousand
dollar cameras and Flickr accounts working as stringers for some wire
service while keeping a Chomsky in their backpack and there are UK
Jihadists who converted to Islam after a childhood sipping the weak tea
of the Church of England and can't wait to text their Imam and find out
which women they can rape in wartime.
The Iranian Revolutionary Guard and Hezbollah's militias out of Lebanon
are shooting at Al Qaeda and Muslim Brotherhood militias from across the
Middle East and even Europe in one of those unique displays of family
entertainment that you wish would go on forever, but that won't, because
despite the Hasish-fed bravado, supplemented with meth from Iran's top
laboratories, the whole shooting match only as long as it takes the side
with the weakest bladders to run away, and then both sides brag about
their great victory on YouTube and Facebook.
Imagine the Crips and the Bloods, armed to the teeth by every country
from Mexico to China, fighting over the ruins of California cities, and
you get some idea of the glorious Syrian civil war being fought by the
Brave Syrian People, most of whom at this point are about as Syrian as
the Palestinians are from Palestine, in a conflict that will determine
once and for all who will be ethnically cleansing whom next year.
The Syrian rebels are Sunni. The Syrian regime is Alawite, which is
close enough to Shiite for government work. This isn't some heroic
battle between the people and the dictator; it's a religious war.
America, as befits the nation that Obama described as one of the largest
Muslim countries in the world, is in the Sunni axis, ensconced
somewhere between the fattest child-molesting members of the Saudi and
Qatari royals, the Turkish Islamists, and the Eurocrats looking to score
arms deals and win over their domestic Sunni Muslims populations who
have the unfortunate habit of blowing things up.
On the road to Damascus, the politicians and pundits tell us that we
cannot simply sit things out. Someone is bound to remove Assad and we
had better be in good with whoever does.
The UK, which dragged Obama into Libya the way an elderly lady drags a
poodle into a pub, is frantically urging us to stop just looking the
other way while Qatar and Turkey arm the Syrian rebels, and to get into
the rebel-arming business ourselves. Considering how well that worked
out in Libya, not to mention a certain obscure part of the world, known
as Afghanistan that we never heard from again, we should probably hurry
and start arming the Syrian rebels right now.
The sooner we give them weapons, the less likely they are to use them
against us. Or so the reasoning of the people who brought you September
11 and September 11 II: The Mohammed Video Diaries goes. And with a
track record like that, how could they possibly be wrong?
If
we give the right Syrian rebels the weapons, then they will win,
instead of the wrong Syrian rebels. But if we don't, then the wrong
Syrian rebels will win, and even the right Syrian rebels will hate us
and turn wrong, and before you know it they'll be shooting at us with
the weapons we didn't give them.
Telling apart the right Syrian rebels from the wrong Syrian rebels is
tricky. The Free Syrian Army, once hailed as a moderate secular
organization, has more Al Qaeda in it than the dirt in Tora Bora. The
new opposition set up by Obama and Qatar consists of the Muslim
Brotherhood and people with fake mustaches pretending not to be the
Muslim Brotherhood.
No serious thinkers seriously think that not siding with either side is
an option. When confronted with Muslim terrorists, they begin searching
for moderates in the rubbish bin, and with a working definition of a
moderate that includes anyone less extreme than the most extreme of the
extreme, they never have a problem finding moderates. And they keep
finding moderate Syrian rebels who will be our friends tomorrow for a
few RPGs today.
Today we have to support the Muslim Brotherhood for fear that Al Qaeda
will take over. Tomorrow we will have to support Al Qaeda for fear that
Al-Takfir Wa Al-Hijra will take over. And then we'll have to support the
Takfiris for fear that Itbach Al-Kul Ulum will take over. And the day
after our leaders will have no choice but to nuke the entire planet for
fear that an asteroid will hit it instead. The radiation will be bad,
they tell us, but at least nuclear weapons are moderate. Asteroids are
extreme. And no one, except skateboarders, wants to be extreme.
It's Black Friday in Syria and just sitting at home, watching the game,
sipping a beer and wondering who's going to score in the third quarter,
the black flag Salafis, the Muslim Brotherhood militias, Hezbollah or a
race of demons erupting unexpectedly from the earth to devour all
participants, never occurs to the bright boys and girls down in D.C. No,
they're dragging us into line at five in the AM in the hopes of scoring
a friendly Syria for only 40 billion dollars and maybe only
twenty-thousand dead Christians.
The rebels are making their gains, or so the New York Times claims,
while Pravda claims that the Syrian government is beating back the
rebels. It's hard to know whose pravda to believe when all we have to
choose from are propaganda outlets that parrot the talking points of
governments. In a Pravda world, you don't read the news to find out
what's going, you read the news to find out what the government thinks
about what is going and then you try to derive from that what is truly
taking place.
In this Plato's Cave version of the news, all that we know is that
everyone is racing to Damascus, and that everyone is winning and
everyone is losing and everyone is dying at the same time. And we're
rushing right along with them, hoping that our guys, who are slightly
less murderous than their guys, will defeat them, despite the
murderousness gap, with the help of our weapons, our planes and maybe a
few of our guys, wearing sneakers and long beards, coordinating
operations on the ground.
If the Muslim Brotherhood can't non-violently seize power in Syria
through a violent civil war, there is a risk that they will turn to
violence again. And that means they'll start trying to violently take
over countries without going through the formality of fighting a civil
war to take them over first.
Every leader of Al Qaeda was a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, but
since the Muslim Brotherhood, like the New Left, is willing to
non-violently take us over through front groups, rather
than flying planes into buildings, they're our idea of the good guys,
even if they have the same objectives as Al Qaeda, just a different way
of getting there. But you could probably say the same thing about the
people who were running the USSR in 1933 and the people who are running
the United States and the European Union in 2013.
Obama isn't satisfied with wrecking just Libya, Tunisia and Egypt.
Russia isn't satisfied with financing 50 years of war in the region even
though it's on the verge of bankruptcy. President Hollande of France
isn't satisfied with being on the verge of bankruptcy and only wrecking
Libya.
And like Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour, they're all on the road to Damascus. Or the road to hell.
And so on we go, all together, rebels and diplomats, throat-slashers and
powdered-hair personalities, embedded into a conflict, racing to
Damascus, eager to raise the flag, report on the historic moment,
negotiate deals and deliver speeches. Obama probably already has his
written and it will probably be the same exact speech he delivered when
Mubarak fell and Gaddafi got sodomized to death. There will be moving
sentiments about hope and change, peace and freedom, the choice of the
people and the transition to democracy.
This road picture has the usual participants. The Western diplomats who
fall in love with the region, its culture and its people. The Western
politicians still dreaming that the region is just one more revolution
away from stability. But the lead is the fourth son of some upper middle
class family who grew his scraggly beard long and now dreams of dying
as a martyr for the Caliphate surrounded by white doves and whiter
virgins.
There's the Qatari weapons trainer teaching 13-year-olds how to plant
IEDs and the Russian colonel, underpaid and hating the locals more than
ever, trying to get the ragtag Alawite militias to fight. There's the
embedded citizen journalist with fourteen differently colored keffiyahs
in his luggage blogging his experiences on Tumblr and the gang of local
thugs who alternate between taking potshots at Syrian army positions on
behalf of the Free Syrian Army and its Qatari and Turkish paymasters and
kidnapping some of the wealthier Christians for ransom, which pays even
better.
There are Sunni and Shiite militia members from neighboring Lebanon and
Syria. There are Salafi Pakistanis fresh from Waziristan and Libyans
looking for a good brawl. There are Scud missiles and chemical weapons
and broken buildings, torn corpses and roads full of refugees fleeing
for their lives. There are tanks and jets and fleets. There are armies
and militias, truckloads of weapons and bodies, fire behind them and
death ahead of them. And they're all hurrying, running and racing to
Damascus.
Where the real killing will begin.
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