Sultan Knish
At Grand Army Plaza, beneath the golden equestrian statue of General
Sherman, the horses stand, lazily flicking their ears, tasting the grit
of 59th street and occasionally glancing about as a yellow taxi driven
by an angry Pakistani wheels around past the Plaza Hotel, brakes
squealing, an Al Qaeda friendly Nasheed or a little Atif Aslam, either
sounding more unpleasant than the brakes, blaring through the open
window.
Feathered
plumes, scarlet red, sapphire blue, electric purple, matching the
colors of the plush linings of their carriages, stir faintly in the wind
coming off the East River. The drivers, wearing black top hats and
colorful suits, chat with each other or text, waiting for a tourist from
Baltimore or Beijing to take a ride. The horses stir, shaking their
heads, as the Chinese artists sketch caricatures for 5 bucks a piece and
the African vendors lugging sacks of fake Rolexes or pirated Fendi
handbags look around suspiciously for the cops.
Most of the day
the horses stand, stamping their feet, eating, dozing off in the heart
of a city that never sleeps, and then when a tourist couple, a husband
and wife from Seattle, a mother and daughter from London, finally comes
along, they lazily trot along the curving carriageways of Central Park,
while the driver points out the statue of the Irish poet Thomas Moore or
the bronze statue of the Falconer with its new falcon (the old one was
stolen) and then back to the curb for a bag of mash.
Like true
New Yorkers, the horses of Central Park pay little attention to what is
going on around them. Instead no matter what happens, they yawn, showing
their teeth and showing how little it moves them. But though the bored
urban equines do not know it, their world is about to change. The horse
is not ordinarily an endangered animal, but if New York's new
progressive mayor has his way, the horses of Central Park will be
extinct and the only equine in sight will be General Sherman's golden
horse sneering down at the parvenu jewelry shoppers of Fifth Avenue.
On
the other side of 59th, at Columbus Circle, beneath the looming tower
of Time Warner Center where CNN personalities chatter endlessly about
the weather and the economy, pedicabs offer rides for three dollars a
minute. One enterprising competitor has even cut his fare down to a
measly two dollars.
The pedicab is slicker and glossier than its
origins in the old Chinese rickshaws, but it is still a human powered
vehicle. The drivers, mainly Nigerians, who have taken over much of the
tourist trade in the city, with a mixture of other Africans and the
occasional Eastern European, chatter loudly, hassling tourists and
urgently calling them over. "Hey guy." "Madam, madam, come here."
Unlike
the horses of Grand Army Plaza, there are no proposals to ban the
pedicabs of Columbus Circle. The only animal they exploit is the human
animal, and often it is uncertain who is exploiting whom.
Turkish pedicab driver Savas Avci was caught ripping off
tourists by offering them a $1 a block ride with a $100 per person
minimum written in fine print on the card. Surprised Irish and Asian
visitors completed a 10 block ride and were hit with a $400 bill. The
pedicab scam wasn't illegal, but it was typical of a new tourist trade
dominated by foreign scam artists, who unlike the carriage horse
drivers, have no roots in the city and no sense of tradition.
Meanwhile a twenty minute horse carriage ride, complete with warm blankets and cocoa, runs to fifty bucks.
Though
the horses huffing clouds of warm breath into the cold air of a March
morning may not know it, they have long been the targets of an urban
predator that their instincts, wired for warning them of cougars and
rattlesnakes, had not prepared them to detect. While the horses grew
complacent in a city whose predator food chain culminates in the rare
coyote that crosses the George Washington Bridge from New Jersey, they
were being stalked by the city’s true predator.
Homo progressivus
is a nasty specimen, biologically indistinguishable from Homo sapiens;
but possessed of a radically different set of instincts and motivations.
Like the Great Horned Owl and the Brown Rat, Homo progressivus hunts
his own kind, his hunting call is a noisy whine emitted through a
megaphone at a protest rally and he marks his kills with regulations.
The
horses of Central Park have long been the chosen prey of Homo
progressivus. In 2011, Glee star Lea Michelle warned Bloomberg that she
would leave the city unless he banned carriage horses. Unlike salt and
large sodas, the horses stayed and the Glee actress was forced to go on
enduring the unflattering equine comparisons to her nose and teeth.
But when Bloomberg stepped down, PETA,
an animal rights organization that killed 2,000 cats and dogs in one
year alone, and NYCLASS, a wealthy anti-horse group dominated by Steve
Nislick, a real estate tycoon who appears more interested in seizing the
stables where the horses live, than in their welfare, finally got their
way.
Nislick and NYCLASS' investment in Bill de Blasio
navigated the Sandinista supporter through the Democratic primary and
into City Hall.
Bill de Blasio, who had picked fights with such
New York traditions as the Columbus Day Parade and the St. Patrick's Day
Parade, vowed to get rid of the horses in his first week in office.
The week passed and the horses stayed.
Bill
de Blasio and the new progressive City Council speaker Melissa
Mark-Viverito both glutted themselves on NYCLASS' dirty money and
committed themselves to doing Steve Nislick's dirty work, but in between
kicking black kids out of charter schools and paying back neighborhoods
that voted Republican by seeing to it that they didn't get plowed, the
progressive politicians have yet to land the killing blow on the horses
of Central Park.
New York City may be slow to deliver on a shipment of dead horses, but Chicago is moving faster.
Alderman
Ed Burke, an Obama and Blagojevich ally, and the godfather of Chicago
politics, dubbed its real mayor, whose campaign war chest is bigger than
that of the actual mayor even though he runs mostly unopposed, has put a
hit out on the horses of Chicago.
Burke, whose wife is an
Illinois Supreme Court Justice, who is notorious for his corruption and
goes everywhere with a team of bodyguards, announced that he wants to
ban horses in order to "beat New York to the punch." Chicago has the
worst credit rating of any major city except Detroit and its murder rate
is sky high, but Burke has declared that the horses are now a priority.
The
aging relic of the Chicago political machine called carriage horses an
"obsolete tradition" and said that, "Carriage rides have outlived their
usefulness in Chicago." That is usually Democratic machine politician
slang for not enough money changing hands.
Animal rights
activists and their real estate backers tend to have more money than
horse carriage drivers. The modest stable buildings are no match for the
liberal real estate developers who want to put up pricey hotels where
they stand and progressive animal rights activists easily overwhelm
drivers who may get only eight fares a day.
The anti-horse activists of Homo progressivus spent $1.3 million
on Bill de Blasio. The drivers bring their own coffee with them in a
thermos because a Starbucks coffee is too pricy for their budgets.
Bill
de Blasio and Steve Nislick have refused to actually visit the stables
where the horses are kept. The money has changed hands and their minds
have been made up. They have no desire to be confronted with the anger
and suffering of the working men whose jobs they are taking away.
"We
are in the biggest, densest urban area in North America. It is not a
place for horses. They are not meant to be in traffic jams," Bill de
Blasio said at Steve Nislick's NYCLASS press conference. But Central
Park, where the horses actually trot, was designed for horses. The cars
came later.
Manhattan streets run on a straight and narrow grid,
up and down, by number and letter, but Central Park is full of curving
lanes built more for horses than cars. Near the reservoir where
thousands of waterbirds winter, riders pass under the arching fairy tale
white lace of the Gothic Bridge along a dirt path. Puffins dive in the
reservoir, herons land in secluded watercourses, turtles sun themselves
on rocks near hidden waterfalls and raccoons prowl through the bushes.
Unlike
the noisy and cramped urban hunting grounds of Homo progressivus, where
activists shriek through megaphones, council members pass regulations
that no one needs and inspectors take bribes not to implement them,
where blighted towers of housing projects rise above troubled streets
and Bill de Blasio and Andrew Cuomo yell at each at dueling press
conferences; the park is a natural environment. It is a place for
animals and people, for tall trees and quiet paths.
"It is one
of the great purposes of the Park to supply to the hundreds of thousands
of tired workers, who have no opportunity to spend their summers in the
country, a specimen of God’s handiwork that shall be to them,"
Frederick Law Olmsted, the Republican architect of the park, said.
The old progressives saw a human virtue in nature. The new progressives however see humanity as a blot on nature.
PETA
kills cats and dogs, as many as it can get its hands on, because its
interpretation of animal rights demands that it remove the taint of
human bred and owned species from the environment. The anti-horse
campaigns follow the same ideology. It is not the horses that they are
concerned for. The carriage horses, like the cats and dogs, have been
tainted by human exploitation. They must be destroyed.
Homo
progressivus does not merely hate white men, but all men and women.
Targeting humanity by race, gender or class is his method of playing
divide and conquer; pitting one group against another with the ultimate
goal of tearing down civilization to restore the world as it was before
man. Animal rights have come to follow this terrible post-human
progressive imperative.
The left's war on horses is part of its war on humans.
A
horse infected with rabies, as described by William Youatt, the noted
English 19th century veterinary surgeon, "will furiously seize and bite
other horses, and even his attendants... will level with the ground
every thing before him, himself sweating and snorting, and foaming
amidst the ruins."
Much the same thing happens with a Homo
sapiens infected with a mental virus that transforms him into Homo
progressivus, even while he insists that he is making the world a better
place, he lashes out, foaming at the mouth, and destroying everything
around him.
At Grand Army Plaza, the horses stand waiting for
their next trot through the park, occasionally glancing at the tourists
who come too close, but while the cougar is easily distinguishable from
the cat and the wolf from the dog, both horses and men find it difficult
to look into the milling crowds and distinguish Homo Sapiens from Homo
Progressivus.
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