Richard Hughes
The English are feeling
the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have
therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The
English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940
when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British
issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off"
to "Let's get the Bastards." They
don't have any other levels. This
is the reason they have been used on the front line of the
British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs." They
also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and
"Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual;
the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out
of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is cancelled." So
far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final
escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person
And
as a final thought – Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
Thanks Nurit G.
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