Every few years a messiah arrives in Jerusalem, shakes hands, makes demands and promises to make peace in our time. Then when the whole thing blows up in his face, he throws up his hands and flies back blaming the ungrateful Jews for not embracing his vision.
You must have known this would happen. So many false messiahs have come before you, squinting against the bright sunshine, muttering under their breath to aides and assistants, pounding the table at meetings, downing martinis and fantasizing about the Nobel Peace Prize that they were sure was waiting for them at the end.
And they left with nothing except sunburn and simmering rage.
Did you really think you would be any different? Were you so delusional that you imagined you could succeed where career diplomats with a lifetime of experience in the region had failed?
What convinced you that you were the negotiating genius that the conflict had been waiting for?
It's not as if you had a good track record negotiating anything. Do you remember meeting Madame Binh in Paris? What about carrying Daniel Ortega's peace offer after assuring everyone that he wasn't a Communist? Right before he flew to Moscow. And let's not gloss over your visit to Assad. Was that peace in the air or was it just the nerve gas?
I know you don't have time to remember all your diplomatic triumphs. Or like Hillary, any of them.
When did you successfully negotiate anything, up to and including the purchase of your latest yacht?
You went to Paris to aid the Viet Cong. You went to Nicaragua to aid the FSLN terrorists. You went to Israel to aid the PLO. The USSR fell, but your old nostalgia for Communist guerrillas and killers hasn't deserted you. It's why you failed. And it's why you'll fail over and over again.
No matter what the PLO did, you blamed Israel. Just as no matter what the Viet Cong or the Sandinistas did, you blamed America.
The PLO can call for Israel's destruction, champion terrorism and ally with Hamas, but one of your minions will still provide anonymous quotes saying that the PLO can't be expected to negotiate while Israel possibly considers building houses in Jerusalem.
What's a little thing like genocide compared to a house?
Israel is expected to free terrorists who murder elderly Holocaust survivors, but the delicate sensibilities of PLO terrorists are outraged whenever a Jewish family that they haven’t managed to murder yet moves into a home in Jerusalem.
Good negotiators can put their sympathies aside to achieve their goals. But you never could do that. No matter how many press releases you put out touting your special relationship with Israel, a relationship almost as special as the one your fellow Massachusetts senator had with a girl in a '67 Oldsmobile whose drowned corpse turned up on the next day, you spoil it by threatening another intifada or calling Israel an Apartheid state. You lack the basic criteria of a diplomat. You're a bad liar.
You show up to provide moral support to the murderers and go home as their useful idiot. That was the pitiful function you served in Paris, in Nicaragua and in Israel. Forty-four years later you're still departing with that same awkward look on your face as if somewhere beneath the layers of Botox and suntan lotion you understand that something is wrong.
What you don't understand is that the something wrong is you. It's always been you. The only thing you ever did with any of your unsolicited interventions was make things worse. Your anti-war activism helped polarize a nation. Your malicious Winter Soldier testimony scapegoated veterans. Your Ortega intervention emboldened a terrorist group. And your peace initiative led to a unity agreement with Hamas.
After almost half a century, the only thing you ever do is make things worse. Any man with a scrap of decency looking back on a lifetime of diplomatic wreckage would have retired. Instead you finagled your way into becoming Secretary of State so you could fail on a grander scale.
The secret to your success as a lifelong failure is refusing to accept responsibility for anything. You just throw someone else's medals over the fence and blame someone else for your latest fiasco.
This time it's Israel.
Oh and let's not forget the popular "settlements" excuse. The settlement in question is Jerusalem. One of the oldest cities in the world. A city whose unity as the capital of Israel you endorsed on numerous occasions.
You cosponsored the Jerusalem Embassy Act of 1995 which stated that the policy of the United States is that, "Jerusalem should remain an undivided city" and "Jerusalem should be recognized as the capital of the State of Israel". You cosponsored Senate Consecutive Resolution 113 in 1992 which stated that "Jerusalem must remain an undivided city in which the rights of every ethnic and religious group are protected as they have been by Israel during the past twenty-five years."
Is this ringing any bells?
How about Senate Concurrent Resolution 106 in 1990 or Resolution 21 in 1997 which "Calls upon the President and the Secretary of State to publicly affirm as a matter of U.S. policy that Jerusalem must remain the undivided capital of Israel." Or 1323 and 1322?
You co-sponsored all of them. Were you obstructing peace all these decades? Or are you obstructing peace now by turning your back on them?
You also co-sponsored Resolution 46 stating that the modern State of Israel is "the outgrowth of the existence of the historic Kingdom of Israel established three thousand years ago in the city of Jerusalem and in the land of Israel."
You co-sponsored Resolution 522 with the same text in 2008. But that was a long 6 years ago.
During your presidential campaign, you released a paper titled, "John Kerry: Strengthening Israel's Security and Bolstering the US-Israel Special Relationship" in which you called Jerusalem, "Israel’s indisputable capital." Now you're disputing it.
Apparently you were for a united Jerusalem... before you were against it.
"As President, John Kerry will never force Israel to make concessions that compromise its security," the paper said. "As President, John Kerry would not expect Israel to negotiate without a credible Palestinian partner for peace - something that unfortunately does not exist today."
But you're not President so you can't be blamed for completely reversing those positions and insisting that Israel make concessions that compromise its security and negotiate with terrorists who sabotage every one of your futile attempts at peace negotiations. And then you head down to the Senate and blame Israel for sabotaging the peace process. And then you stop by the Trilateral Commission and suggest, off the record, that Israel is becoming an Apartheid state.
Clearly you haven't lost your diplomatic touch. But when your boss said that he would always have Israel's back, he forgot to mention the knife that comes with it.
Now you're off sulking on your yacht or playing phone tag with the Russian Foreign Minister while planning to unveil your peace plan which will gut Israel, carve up Jerusalem and give the PLO everything without obligating it to anything. And then the peace process and the next set of negotiations can restart all over again.
It's a brilliant plan, but you're forgetting one thing. But the terrorists you're helping will inevitably sabotage it just like they sabotaged your peace negotiations, just like Daniel Ortega sabotaged your peace offer and just like the Viet Cong destroyed the credibility of their useful idiots.
Blinded by glory and greed, you decided to cheat on another American ally with a red light and red flag back alley trollop wearing a bloody keffiyah and smelling of petroleum. And it won't work out for you, just as it didn't work out for you all those other times. Your Senate career is over, you hooked your dying star to a falling president and put your legacy in the hands of greasy killers who would sell their sister for a monopoly on imported American cigarettes.
You would have been better off just turning over all of Teresa's money to Bernie Madoff and then flying off to Afghanistan to negotiate in person with the Taliban.
Even while you're warning Israel that it will be destroyed if it doesn't listen to you, you have destroyed yourself and you are too stupid to know it. Your career is coming to a pathetic end. Had you retired from the Senate, you might have left with some dignity. Instead you will be a failed footnote in a failed administration.
It's a fitting fate for a man who worked to see his country fail to end his term as a miserable failure.
Whether it's Ukraine, Syria or Israel, you have failed. And Japan and Korea are still coming up. Have another drink. Fly to another conference. Closet yourself with your advisers and rant about Israel. And when you do leave, your career ending on a note of failure, you will no doubt blame those ungrateful Jews who wouldn't do what you told them to.
You won't be the first and you won't be the last.
But John, we weren't the ones who did this to you. You did it to yourself. Your arrogance brought you to this point. Your natural attraction to the red and the green, to terrorists and radicals, did you in.
Retire. Stay home, enjoy some quality time with Teresa on your yacht and the rest of your lifestyle bought with another man's money. It'll be just like working in government.
Just don't bother us anymore. We don't want to hear from you. Don't call us. Don't write. Don't even text. We're tired of your visits, tired of your speeches and tired of your long face. We're sick of your hypocrisy, your betrayals and your lies. And after all these years, we're just plain sick of you.
You can blame Israel all you like, but it's not us, John. It's you. It's always been you.
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